The Quotes Section
Update from Abby. :-) I'm going to try to update this quotes list at least once a week. New quotes will be written in bold so that you don't have to read all the quotes every time you're here. Unless, of course, you just want to. So, new quotes will be written in bold font and will remain in bold for one month. After that, they will be returned to their normal font with the rest of the quotes. Sound good? Sounds good to me, too. Hooray!
"A little ash never hurt anybody. It puts hair on your chest."
~Brandon Maertin
"A ring-down is just like a hoe-down, except a ring is passed around instead of a hoe."
~Hunter Tolbert
"Abby and I's relationship is very special." ~Juli Sneider
"Yeah, good, don't tell me about it." ~Liz
"All the ducks were on a bank. It was like, the Germans or something."
~Dave Frye
"All the world's problems can be solved by Chai and girls."
~Hunter Tolbert
"Allow me to pause for a refreshing beverage."
~Professor James Hodak in the middle of a lecture 010807
"Antidisestablishmentarianism. As according to Google."
~Andrew Colchagoff
"Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung."
~Voltaire
"Are you coooool? Are you with us? C'mon, we're gonna go vandalize somthin."
~Andrew Colchagoff
"Baste."
~Nate Price
"Betcha bottom dolla' it's Autumndala."
~Craig Twining
"But I'm not in love with you . . ." ~Abby Noonan
"Temporarily." ~Andy Ciesler 010807
"By day, it's a pen. By night, a wonderful mechanism."
~Kelly Everett (referring to Abby Noonan's light up pen)
"Christ died for men precisely because men are not worth dying for; to make them worth it."
~C.S. Lewis
"College students have no secret lives! That's why we write freakin' blogs."
~Keith Osmun
"Dave Frye is like having a lap dog."
~Mike Portteus
"Deep down in my spirit I could hear, 'Bret! Don't do it!' But what I was really hearing was, 'Bret! *radio static* do it!'"
~Bret Smith
"Did you know that Toledo once belonged to Michigan?" ~Professor James Hodak
"Can we give it back?" ~Haley Brandeberry 010807
"Did you not just look through my glasses? Did you not see China when you did?"
~Joe Metter 010807
"Dingbat: An experienced hobo."
~Amy Shrewsbery
"Direct sunlight makes me irritable."
~Josh Smith
"Does this company still exist?" ~Abby Noonan
*blank stare* ~Paul Taylor (My boss)
"Uhh, do we still deal with this company anymore?" ~Abby
*blank stare* ~Paul
"Okay, these questions are leading up to my next question, which is, 'Can I throw all this stuff away?'" ~Abby
"Yes, they still exist, and I think we'd like to keep using them. We haven't in years. So what that means is that you can still throw all their stuff away." ~Paul
"Don't feed the people, for they carry diseases and are a nuissance."
~Rachel Burkholder
"Don't frown; you never know who's falling in love with your smile."
~Laura Selmek
"Don't walk under a garage door as it is opening on a cold and wet day. The result will also be cold and wet."
~Tricia Villines
"Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me."
~Ambrose Bierce
"Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work."
~Robert Orben
"Everyone knows you're not trying to be like this. It's just the way you are."
~Amy Shrewsbery
"Female cops. They're the worst!"
~Brandon Maertin
"FINE!!! And I'm taking the good china."
~Drew Doblinger
"For a short, fat man, you sure move around a lot when you're intoxicated."
~Luke Clauson
"Gimme your knee."
~Dylan Kahle 010807
"Giving performing arts kids caffeine is like asking for pain and heartache."
~Brittney Forster
"Gizmo! Stop it! I don't know what you're doing but I'm sure I don't approve!"
~Kathleen Noonan
"Go new-school!"
~Amanda Duffee
"Go over there and stand behind that polodium."
~Andrew Colchagoff
"God even saves me from the laughter of my friends."
~Abby Noonan 010807
"God loves us not according to how we do, but according to who God is."
~Annie Ashbaucher
"Hang on. I'm talking and thinking at the same time. That's not a good plan."
~Gretchen Selleck
"He just needs to either poop or get off the pot."
~Tom DeArmond
"He's gonna think I'm a stalker!" ~Tricia Villines
"That's good! He'll remember you!" ~Abby Noonan
"Hey Randy, where are you? Oh wait, I see you, you're invisible!"
~Jon Colchagoff
"Hey, you told me to be impressed." ~Abby Noonan
"Yeah, but only so I could accuse you of lying." ~Mike Johnson
"How many copies do we need? Eight?" ~Don Beyer
"How many people are going to be there?" ~Fred Lammers
"Two . . . ?" ~Don
"Yeah, make eight." ~Fred
"I am an optimist because of Jesus Christ."
~D. James Kennedy
"I can never have your happiness until I have your goodness."
~Jane from Pride and Prejudice
"I can't think of a good quote right now; therefore, I will just try to look cool."
~Seth Bellas
"I didn't even get a chance to dig a ditch. You just found a hole and pushed me in it."
~Dave Frye
"I don't do this at all . . . unless I do . . ."
~Juli Sneider
"I don't know how I'm going to sing it." ~Andy Ciesler
"You're not going to sing it, I'm gonna sing it." ~Abby Noonan
"Okay! Abby's song! Don't touch!" ~Andy 010807
"I don't live on a third floor. I used to in Schultz. Sorta. We counted the basement as the first till it got a deadly mold in it and they closed it down."
~Keith Osmun
"I don't need any help looking stupid. I do that well enough on my own."
~Sandra Lehsten 010807
"I don't read that. It's like instructions on tests."
~Benj Derkin 010807
"I don't want to get stuck behind 'Napa' here."
~Sandra Lehsten 010807
"I drooled all over myself again."
~Nic Baker
"I feel sorry for the person who thinks up insults just to use them days later."
~Jeff Waggoner
"I got more game than a playstation."
~Aimee Reid
"I got my Bachelor's in artsy-farsty."
~Bethany Hoff
"I hate not being looked at."
~Andy Ciesler 010807
"I just pasted baste."
~Andrew Colchagoff
"I know the capabilities of that camera and of the person behind it."
~Sandra Lehsten
"I like being rejected by people far away."
~Kevin Fay
"I like it because it's violent."
~Sandra Lehsten 010807
"I look like a cake swamp thing."
~Laura Crawford
"I love pooping my bed!"
~Nate Price
"I may be stupid, but I'm not a retard."
~Dave Frye
"I mean, come on, everyone likes animals."
~Fritz Wenzel 010807
"I need one of those giddy-up things."
~Eric Herr (referring to nitris oxide in his car)
"I need to talk to the priest who used to priest here."
~Amy Shrewsbery
"I see the most when my eyes are closed."
~Abby Noonan 010807
"I should contribute more quotes to society. Start with this."
~Will Harbauer
"I sing by ear. I can't look at things."
~Joe Metter 010807
"I still eat paper."
~Benj Derkin 010807
"I think he's failing cause he started coming to class."
~Tricia Villines
"I try to have an interesting life so I can become an interesting person."
~Brandon Maertin
"I want you to genuinely lose."
~Bret Smith 010807
"I'd feel left out if I didn't get stabbed."
~Professor Russ Bodi 010807
"I'm a white guy with a white car. People are gonna think I'm racist!"
~Hunter Turner
"I'm about ready to destroy the financial aid office. Maybe I can somehow collect all of the stress in this country from college-bound students and funnel it into a weapon, blow up a few campuses, and then see how much they offer me."
~Nathanael Rethorn
"I'm basing my entire campaign on sex appeal alone."
~Will Harbauer
"I'm drinking cookie."
~Chris Weigel
"I'm getting high on you, Hunter."
~Abby Noonan (in reference to Hunter's cologne)
"I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later."
~Mitch Hedberg
"I'm skipping! I'm skipping! I know I shouldn't do that to you, but I'm bored."
~Professor Jodi Jobuck 010807
"I'm sorry, I'm marrying the queen of Uganda."
~Tyson Turner
"Idiots aren't cured until death."
~Japanese proverb
"If anyone wants to drill in my backyard, I will be more than happy to sell my land."
~Professor James Hodak 010807
"If I have to test you regularly, that's gonna suck for all of us."
~Professor Jodi Jobuck 010807
"If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning."
~Aristotle Onassis
"In case of fire...kill me."
~Luke Fetterman
"In Italy for 30 years, under the Borgias, they had warfare, terror, murder, and bloodshed, but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci, and the Renaissance. In Switzerland they had brotherly love. They had 500 years of democracy and peace, and what did they produce? The cuckoo clock??"
~Orson Welles
"Information as entertainment has made us stooopid."
~Andrew Burton
"Is that a good thing or a bad thing?" ~Ryan from Shakespeare Class
"Yes, it is." ~Professor Russell Bodi
"It's funny and everybody dies."
~Sarah Stephens 010807
"It's normally funny . . ."
~Dave Frye
"Jesus is sustaining the muscle in your chest that pumps blood back and forth so that your eyes can blink so that they do not dry out so that you can read this blog post."
~Tyson Turner
"Just imagine holding hands and running through the daisy fields of life."
~Andy Ciesler 010807
"Just when I start to think, 'Ah ha! I'm all smart!' I have to stop myself and think, 'Noooo...'"
~Dave Ziemke 010807
"Latter day elves getting people spiritually pregnant so they can dwell in their own world and rule with eight belly buttons."
~Anthony Anderson
"Leadership is a priviledge offered only by grace. To abuse your position for your benefit is to spit in God's face."
~Justin McRoberts
"Let's be hopeless together." ~Abby Noonan
"Okay." ~Tricia Villines
"Long live the Swiss."
~Professor Jodi Jobuck 010807
"Love me, love my pet."~Bethany Hoff
"Thanks a lot, Bethany!"~Abby Noonan
"Well, I mean that in a good way! It's not like I think of you as my pet rock or something."~Bethany
"Yeah, Abby, you're much more like a chia pet."~Adam White
"Maybe he's just idly being obnoxious."
~Bethany Hoff
"Mine just blows monkey chunks."
~Jennifer Metcalf
"Most good artists are bipolar maniacs."
~Professor Jodi Jobuck 010807
"My butt hit bottom."
~Abby Noonan
"My face died."
~Abby Noonan
"My love is a wet log."
~Brandon Maertin
"MY MOM IS BEING SUCH A FARTKNOCKER!"
~Sara Nowak
"My mom is old. *pause* I'm mad at my underwear."
~Natalie Tucker
"My theory is that penguins do fly, but nobody lives to tell about it."
~Professor James Hodak 010807
"Now, I'm not here to vent about our everyday, shared experiences such as the mud puddle that is completely avoidable by the passing car whose timing just happens to be in perfect symmetry to our proximity leaving us with a cool coating of brown mixing vividly with the new white shirt chosen conveniently enough for surely such an occasion as this. No. I'll not vent here. I mean, what would be the point to even suggest that on other people brown is a neutral, even natural tone, blending well with their attire but on you and I, brown is indeed vivid. That would be pointless and we are at this point comfortably numb to these moments."
~David Crowder
"Oh gosh. I so did NOT mean to dream that!"
~Juli Sneider
"Oh I'm retarded."
~Joe Metter 010807
"Oh my God! Do you people vote?!?"
~Professor Jodi Jobuck 010807
"Okay. But beware: I might throw up."
~Miles Wiltse (when asked if he'd like to be spun around in a circle)
"One derives great moral strength from a cup of coffee."
~Sarah Black
"Oops! I dropped my weed."
~Sandra Lehsten in reference to a dandelion 010807
"Our book managed to find a woman!"
~Professor Jodi Jobuck 010807
"Out of sight, out of mind, and off the hips."
~Claire Reinhart (after hiding a can of Pringles)
"Photographaphically."
~Benj Derkin 010807
"Pink, purple, or crayon?" ~Sandra Lehsten
"What, does this crayon not have a color?" ~Abby Noonan 010807
"Quote me! Quote me!"
~Luke Fetterman
"Right. Tartar. Like Tartar bus."
~Dave Frye
"See, there's this filter in your head that says, 'Good idea?' or 'Bad idea?' There comes a point where the filter goes to sleep while the rest of the body stays awake."
~Joe Metter 010807
"She bought a gun, Brandon. That's generally a good sign your relationship isn't doing well."
~Andrew Colchagoff
"She's not saying that to a guy. She's saying that to Dave Frye."
~Dave Frye
"Six divided by four does not equal two for you!"
~Kevin Fay (in reference to sharing pillows on the sofa)
"So, I had this head pie the other day. There wasn't much to it but it was still pretty good."
~Juli Sneider 010807
"So, if I were to eat your hair when it was long, I would think it was angel food cake?"
~Aimee Reid
"So this large black man walks in. Some bad stuff happens. And then my doctor walks in."
~Dave Frye
"Telling a girl she's fat is like telling a policeman, 'I have a gun! I'm going to shoot you with it!'"
~Heidi Turner
"That part was kinda funny and now I have a story."
~Will Harbauer
"That was an incredible use of vocabulary."
~Jonathan Metcalf
"The coyotes that ate children are gone. So now we've got humans."
~Professor James Hodak 010807
"The future of man kind is cheese cake."
~Craig Michael
"The internet makes you stupid."
~Andrew Colchagoff
"The press needs such timely communications."
~Tyson Turner
"The storm isn't going to kill you because the storm isn't going to rob me of that pleasure."
~Joe Metter 010807
"There aren't that many noble things you can do in Washington."
~Professor Russell Bodi
"There's a beautiful thing called, 'edit.'"
~Joe Metter 010807
"They say Love is a disease and marriage is the cure for it."
~Lady Blakely from The Scarlet Pimpernel
"They say that retaining your sense of humor is important, but I just feel dumb laughing at my own jokes."
~Bethany Hoff
"This isn't dirty, it's therapeutic."
~Bethany Hoff
"This kid really is cute. And he is pretty nice, actually. He's not too dumb."
~Tricia Villines
"This stupid book was written back in 1859. Why the hell are we even still looking at it?"
~Professor Jodi Jobuck 010807
"Tim, could you be a little more disappointed when you're not allowed to be a woman?"
~Amy Shrewsbery
"Too many parents make life hard for their children by trying, too zealously, to make it easy for them."
~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
"Ugghh! And I mean that sincerely."
~Laura Crawford
"Uuugh, you farted . . . it smells like a ham."
~Nate Price (talking to Jeremy)
"WARNING: this is only a warning."
~Eric Herr
"We like frouffie alcohol."
~Abby Noonan
"We're gonna go less work and no calendar."
~Benj Derkin 010807
"We're gonna put up fliers that say, 'Have you seen this flier?'"
~Will Harbauer 010807
"We're still not sure Billy's gonna get married."
~Josh Smith
"Well behaved women rarely make history."
~Marilyn Monroe
"Well, let's see. You've been in school for eight years now, and have 6,054 credit hours. That's a nice Associates degree, but I'm afraid we're looking for someone with a little more experience and education. Have a nice day."
~Ashley Sheeks
"When we allow God to meet our needs, we can say to our future spouse, 'I'm not here because I have needs; I'm here because I love you.'"
~Annie Ashbaucher
"When we first started the show, I had a major crush on him. And then he started to speak."
~Brittney Forster
"Where's the mancala board/ice cube tray/egg carton/thought organizer?"
~Juli Sneider
"While the filter is napping, the judgment is gone."
~Joe Metter 010807
"Why are you looking at the devotionals for May 14th?" ~Laura Selmek
"Cause today is the 14th!" ~Andy Ciesler
"What?!? Where has time gone??" ~Laura
"Yay! I've got mail!"
~Laura Crawford
"You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone."
~Al Capone
"You can hate me later." ~Sandra Lehsten
"No, I'll hate you now." ~Benj Derkin 010807
"You can imagine, but I doubt it'd be accurate."
~Michael Johnson
"You don't want to see me get down."
~Hunter Turner
"You guys suck."
~Professor Jodi Jobuck 010807
"You have lost your privileges of speaking, and all animal related noises."
~Dave Frye
"You know what else is really good about God? He might slap you in the face, but He will never stab you in the back. I'm so glad for that."
~Sashanna Stefan
"You know you drink too much coffee when you don't sweat, you percolate."
~Coffee Mug
"You never know. You and I learn more and more about each other every day. I figured, 'Hey, Tricia learned that I give my phone number out to random waiters at Irish pubs, I'm learning she likes basketball.'"
~Abby Noonan
"You should come to grips with the fact that you've got a TV dinner for a heart and might want to consider climbing inside a microwave and turning it on high for at least an hour, which if you do consider, only goes to show what kind of idiot you truly are because microwaves are way too small for anyone, let alone you, to climb into."
~Johnny Truant
"Your eyes are windows into your beautiful soul. Don't ever shut them."
~Nathan Marchland
"Your face looks lovely in that shade of red."
~Abby Noonan to Andy Ciesler 010807
"Your hair is too long. It doesn't look cute and shaggy anymore. Now you just look like a bum. A bum on crack."
~Abby Noonan