Somebody Get the Tranquilizers Luke - 7-9-2003
Two comics?!?! In one day?!?! You must be insane!! Wait... no. I must be insane. Yeah. I've very proud of this comic. I beleive it's the finest strip to ever grace this cultural wastland... sorry. It's late. I'm kinda...wooohooo. I asked Tristan if I should update it today or wait a couple days. He's not responding. Wait!! I do have to wait. Or else one will be erased... We'll continue this tomorrow.

Hey! it's tomorrow. Noon. I just woke up....nooooooobody cares. Well now that I'm all refreshed and non-loopy, it's time for me to complain about a horrible, terrible thing I saw on tv last night. Have you ever watched "Last Comic Standing"? Huh?! Have you, Tristan?! Anyways... The funniest guy on there was voted off by America 85% to um...whatever's left after 85%. Frankly... I was infuriated. So infuriated that I started using big words like "infuriated". If the fat guy won because of his act then I guess our country is in an awful state concerning humor. I guess people just don't know what's funny anymore. Now, I know what you're saying, Tristan: But Luke... you don't have any place to talk about this. You're not even funny. Well, no. I'm not funny. But I don't claim to be a comedian. I don't even claim to be a cartoonist. So now... I go on.

There are 3 kinds of humor I see that are popular...but aren't funny. I don't know why people laugh at it. Maybe they just REALLY want to laugh. Humor number 1: Internet humor. Hmmm...what's a good example of internet humor? I guess... yeah. It would be a kid sitting next to the Kool Aid Man and threatening to kill him. Ooooooor... I don't know. Weird looking cartoon characters running around yelling things. Sometimes in other languages, sometimes in fake languages. Then they might include giant fishmen in the background dancing to the techno beat that's been playing. You probably get the idea. It's like people don't know the difference between insane and funny anymore. I guess insane CAN be funny if there's some kind of joke in there... but if it's just a bunch of crazy people on crack, it's not funny. If it was I could make a living as a stand up comedian by prending to have seizures while singing the national anthem. Then I would hire Goofy and Donald from disney world to do back up dancing to my Arabian Dance music.

Humor number2: Jay Leno humor. He tells jokes. They're smart jokes. They should be funny...but I don't laugh. Why don't I laugh? I don't know. Now Conan O' Brian... I always laugh at him. Why do I laugh? I don't know. Well, I might know. Let me take a guess. Jay Leno really takes his job seriously. Conan doesn't take anything seriously. I don't really laugh at his jokes so much as I laugh at him. Sorry, Tristan. Am I boring you?

Humor number3: Saturday Night Live humor. It's just dumb. Not funny/dumb...it's just dumb. Sometimes I cringe it's so dumb. The End.

Finally Luke - 7-8-2003
Well, I've finally got up the next comic. After listening to Invalid Litter Department about 15 times because I didn't realize it was on repeat...Now I'm done. Hmmm...comments on the comic? First I would like to say that this is an inaccurate portrayal of nate. Although he can't read, he is not a moron in anyway and I, Luke, as well as all staff on the UPG, Tristan, do not take any responsibility for any damaged emotions due to the sentiment of this comic. The views expressed by this comic are not necessarily the views of it's author or the website on which it has been placed. However if you have any hateful comments or harmful invectives, send all hatemail to jolita22@msn.com . We apologize for any damage caused.
Don' worry abo't it... Luke - 7-7-2003
Hey. It's me. Me who?

WilburWilbuforce: i'm going to punch heath ledger at one thousand miles per hour
nategolfsbad: yeah
nategolfsbad: cool
nategolfsbad: why
nategolfsbad: why
WilburWilbuforce: why?
nategolfsbad: yeah
WilburWilbuforce: why?
nategolfsbad: thats what i said
WilburWilbuforce: what?
nategolfsbad: what
nategolfsbad: tell me
WilburWilbuforce: tell who what?

Ummmmm... yeah.

nategolfsbad: WHY!
WilburWilbuforce: can i quote you?
nategolfsbad: no
WilburWilbuforce: i'm going to quote you
nategolfsbad: no
WilburWilbuforce: hahahaha
WilburWilbuforce: too late
nategolfsbad: i'll kill you

I'll have the comic by tommorow. So don't worry your little heads. People's heads always seem little next to mine... :(