What is the crazy cult? Who founded it? What are the core doctrines of The Crazy Cult? Nooooooooooooooobody knooooooooows. Some say that The Crazy Cult was started in 1587 when the great demon Ruebenic rose from the depths of Eliphin and declared himself "Supreme Lord of Darkness over the World" Sadly...no one ever saw him again. Let us have a moment of silence for the once great demon lord... Others claim that it started in the early 50's when comic books were only a nickel (although this theory is often rebuked as the pinnacle of heracy against The Crazy Cult). According to our doctrine money does not really exist. It's only "an imaginary currency that passes through the cracks of time." That is what one of our many supposed founders claimed about money and it has been accepted as a dogma of our great religion although no one is really sure what he means.
The Crazy Cult worships the 5 great koala goddesses of Alihah. It is through their great power and wisdom that Ruebenic, the Lord of Darkness mentioned previously, came to power and oppressed the earth. The 5 koala goddesses are: (in no particular order of course) Rover, the goddess of all that is blue, Ellen, goddess of all that is fast, Jack (some manuscripts call her Mrs. Jack), goddess of all that is Rover's, Diaphenes, goddess of all that is Diaphenes, Al, goddess of all that is Lee's, Lee, goddess of all that is Al's, Henry, god of black stuff, Julian, goddess of Henry, Polo, goddess of checkers, and Andrew, the patron saint of Ulkinsburg. For thousands of years, it has been greatly feared to beleive in the great koala goddesses being as they are not human, but in the more recent centuries our monotheistic beleifs have become more "cool".
There is one and only one god from whom all things have come. His name is Ra. Some call him Paul. But most don't. I don't. I call him Ra. It is pure foolishness to beleive in any higher power from with things came who would have any other name than Ra. He's the only god.
In the late 13th century, just as America was gaining it's status as a world power, The Crazy Cult came to be mentioned in a highly respected magizine known as Un Hrigethen Hakensthen. No one really beleived the original claims of the cult calling them unsubstantial and contradictory. Our great founder, Johann Nrithin, quickly shut them up with a blow from his axe (see episode 43). And so ever since then The Crazy Cult has been respected and beleived by over half of the European population.
Jonathan Ymen was born in the Polar Ice caps during the spring of 1865. At the young age of 24 he was brought a vision from the great angel, Ruebenic. He handed him 5 sacred scrolls and commanded him to burn them. In Ymen's blind obedience he did. And so the ashes of the sacred documents were blown away into the wind. But Joseph had an idea. Although he just destroyed the worlds only hope for knowing the truth he could still bring them the truth...through logic. Yes, Ronald was a very logical young man, who being in his very nature logical, decided to use his logic. He gathered together all the information he could about the world. Gathering many various animals, people, and elements to him with the summoning power of his guardian angel, Ruebenic. And so the horror begin. Thousands of elephants and zebras stomping their way through city streets. Destroying everything in their path. And so Theodore's eyes were opened! The earth cannot be round or else we would all fall off. And that became the founding doctrine of The Crazy Cult. It is still in practice today. Jonathon wrote approximently 36 more doctrines and then he died at 21 of spontaneous combustion. A tear rolled Ruebenic's eye as he escorted Henry to the great beyond. May the one and only god, Ra, keep him safe in his everlasting comfort. Amen.