What's money really worth? It's only paper. Paper that can get you really neat stuff! So is there something WRONG with money? Nope. There's nothing wrong with money.
But I'm sure you're thinking, "Phones! What about phones?!?!" Well...yes my friends. Phones are evil. They are the tool of Satan (we don't actually beleive in him around here...We beleive there is neither good nor evil, simply...whatever is inbetween. We haven't really thought it out yet. Yeah...but phones are still evil). Phones...yes...phones...
But what about television? What about television? Do you think there is something wrong with television? Do you?!?! Our great founder Donald Ymen never owned a television. Therefore, we should all own televisions to fulfill the void that our founder left empty. But what of this void? Can it ever be filled? Yes it can. With television and corn chips (unsalted). They are the only way to fill the void. But what is the void? Our church leaders have been asking themselves that for centuries and are sure to be asking it for centuries to come, although I alone know the answer.
If a blind man comes across a cow in the road he is move around it. In the same way we are to move around our own hindrences, such as: laws, rules, large people, small people, average sized people, governments, rival cults, big stuff, dangerous stuff, evil stuff (although we don't beleive in good or evil, Evil is only in the mind...so we need to move around stuff...that is thought of and takes on the characteristics of "evil", understand?), good stuff (yes even good stuff can get in our way. We must move around it!), and all kinds of other stuff.
Snow...yes...Snow is evil. Covers the roads...Makes them dangerous...Nobody likes dangerous roads...they're...evil...yes...evil...
Many a member has asked me over the past few years, "Why? Why are we here? What is the point of life?!" I can only reply..."The black tree has been chosen". Ask a stupid question get a stupid answer. It's a fact of life.
What more can be said about The Crazy Cult? It may not be the best cult out there...and it may be wrong in most of it's doctrine...but it's a cult...yeah...it sure is.